too good to be true!

digging down deep.

I realize it has been awhile since I posted something deeper than cool dance/rap segments from JF and JT, something about the Muppets, a road trip, or a dog dying. My life is not as surface as it appears...

At the beginning of the summer I went to Uncommon Ground to watch a good friend's show. I was able to reconnect with an old friend that I hadn't seen in nearly a year, and I was able to meet someone new. Since I have been working my job for almost a year now, God has truly been stretching my capacity to understand his goodness in small ways. How can I think God to be good when I am sitting next to a child who endures seizures at least 15 times a day? How can I think God to be good when I am trying to communicate with a child who has not spoken a word in his life? Yet, I do believe God to be good. He is the embodiment of goodness.

This "someone new", now almost two months ago referred me to an author that she thought might help me to process what I experience daily with my students. Henri J.M. Nouwen. Since that conversation I have come to really love HJMN. I just finished a book he wrote concerning the desert father's philosophy on prayer, silence, and solitude; three things recently pointed out to me by God that I truly lack. It is not natural for me to be still. It is hard for me to be silent. And even though I do love being away from people, I do not often enough seek God in my solitude. I have been greatly challenged by what I read; to consider how I might seek the Lord's help in changing these things and seek to move closer to Jesus with the Spirit's guidance.

What follows is a segment from each section that the Lord has used to bring me near.

Solitude: solitude molds self-righteous people into gentle, caring, forgiving persons who are so deeply convinced of their own great sinfulness and so fully aware of God's even greater mercy that their life itself becomes ministry.

Silence: Too often our words are superfluous, inauthentic, and shallow. It is a good discipline to wonder in each new situation if people wouldn't be better served by our silence than by our words. But having acknowledged this, a more important message from the desert is that silence is above all a quality of the heart that can stay with us even in our conversation with others.

Prayer: Solitude and silence can never be separated from the call to unceasing prayer. If solitude were primarily an escape from a busy job, and silence primarily an escape from a noisy milieu, they could easily become very self-centered forms of asceticism. But solitude and silence are for prayer...The literal translation of the words "pray always" is "come to rest"...it is a rest in God in the midst of very intense daily struggle...Prayer is standing in the presence of God with the mind in the heart; that is, at that point of our being where there is no divisions or distinctions and where we are totally one. There God's Spirit dwells and there the great encounter takes place. There heart speaks to heart, because there we stand before the face of the Lord, all-seeing, within us....We have to realize that here the word heart is used in its full biblical meaning...the word heart in the Jewish-Christian tradition refers to the source of all physical, emotional, intellectual, volitional, and moral energies...the prayer of the heart is indeed the way to the purity of heart that gives us eyes to see the reality of our existence. This purity of heart allows us to see more clearly, not only our own needy, distorted, and anxious self but also the caring face of our compassionate God.

When we have been remodeled into living witnesses of Christ through solitude, silence, and prayer, we will no longer have to worry about whether we are saying the right thing or making the right gesture, because then Christ will make his presence known even when we are not aware of it.

~selections from The Way of the Heart: Henri J.M. Nouwen

I am very excited about the next book I am reading by Nouwen... it is called Adam: God's Beloved. It is a memoir that Nouwen wrote toward the end of his life concerning a severely disabled man he became good friends with during the last part of his life.

he gone.

one of my very good friend's dog's died today. why is it that we can get so close to a dog, but find it hard to get close to humans? sometimes i feel i was closer to my dog mocha than i am to some of my friends here on earth. is that wrong? is that weird? i think that it is something uniquely special about the God given role we have as human beings. i remember going on this long road trip as a kid and listening to the phyllis reynolds naylor book Shiloh on tape. i will never forget when i heard marty say... "Truth is, about everything reminds me of Shiloh. You once get a dog to look at you the way Shiloh looked at me, you don't forget it." it's so true. there is something really special about a dog/human friendship. they are so loyal, gentle, kind, and such great listeners... no matter what. maybe it's the fact they can't talk back, so you always get just what you need from their comforting silent response... all that to say, Winston, you were the pug that redeemed the breed for me. you'll be missed, you and your little leopard print bed :)

Suprise!

Nothing like coming home after a long weekend away to... THIS!

wedding number five.

I am so so pumped about this weekend everybody. One of my dearest friends Emily Elizabeth is going to get hitched. I love this girl. She is adventurous, hilarious, kind, compassionate, and level-headed. She loves the Lord and because of that loves people so well. I am honored to get to stand beside her as she chooses to be James Davenport's wife. Emily, you are lovely, and I am so excited for you and for this weekend!

FREAKing out.

Ok this is the best movie scenario ever. I love The Muppets since as far back as I can remember and I fell in love with Nick Andopolis (Jason Segel) the first time I watched Freaks and Geeks. Now I cannot wait until Thanksgiving when they team up to do this movie! Apparently it has been JS's life long goal to do a movie with the muppets (very respectable goal). Well, Jason, I can't wait to see what your dream turned into. Can't wait. Any takers to be my date on opening night, I am free as a bird!

Baby Boy.

I decided to dedicate this acrostic poem to my little nephew... who's on the way.

Baby
Almost
Born
You

Bring
Our hearts so much joy!
You couldn't come sooner!

e pluribus unum.

so much in store for you andrea.
i am excited to see where God takes you and leads you in these next eleven months.

for those of you that don't know... check out andrea here.